“…but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away…So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:10, 13 (NAB)
On Tuesday, I received a call from the Nursing Facility, and was informed that my son, Jon, was agitated and resisting several staff workers from caring for him. (My adult son, Jon suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2023 from a motorcycle accident)
The neurologist suggested increasing his dose of Seroquel that he receives in the evening. I agreed, feeling bad that he was behaving badly with the nurses and nurse assistants, who do so much good for him.
The next day, a nurse assistant explained to me how Jon was behaving, that prompted his medication increase. He was aggressively resisting the nurse trying to give him a sponge bath.
I led that nurse over to Jon, and told him to apologize for being rude, and Jon responded, “What did I do?”
I was amazed to hear him say that, which tells me that Jon really understands some things said to him, although he doesn’t usually speak legibly or answer any questions. Even though he didn’t apologize, I have a new hope that he is comprehending more than I thought. He probably doesn’t remember what he did the day before, but he seemed to comprehend what I was telling him.
After that, Jon seemed very sad, staring blankly, his chin in his hand, sitting quietly in his wheel chair, so I hugged him, assuring him that he is loved. I thought of how difficult it must be to not know what you are doing half the time. He probably wonders how his existence has become so strangely altered, not understanding what he did wrong the day before. He clearly cannot understand everything happening in his life, but I know he understands love.
Anytime I hug him and tell him I love him, he cries. Love is one thing that he understands any time of the day. When his long time friend, Joe, came in from out of state to visit him, Jon cried when Joe hugged him, telling him he loves him.
Love is something that touches every human being, despite brain injury or a disruption in health or well being. Love can be understood by anyone, because it endures forever. It’s not affected by one’s physical condition, cognitive ability or mental status.
As I think of people like Jon, who are in institutions or nursing facilities, who are unable to understand much, who feel misunderstood and seem disconnected from the rest of the world, there is one thing that always connects with them, and it’s love.
There is an elderly resident named Vivian, who is in a wheel chair at Jon’s Nursing Home. I never see any visitors with her, and more than once, I tried having a conversation with her, to learn about her family. She always tells me that she has six children and two of them are babies, who are currently patients in a hospital. She is obviously somewhat disoriented about time and reality, because Vivian is in her late seventies. She may have her facts mixed up, but she has a lot of love to give away.
I have learned that many stories the residents tell me, are out of delusion and not facts. I just smile, nod and listen, especially with one lady who tells me over and over that her brother is the biological son of JFK.
Most residents need to be accepted more than they need to be corrected.
My friendship with Vivian began by greeting her with a smile, and now, she has so much love to give, that every time I lean near to greet her, she wraps her arms around me and says “I love you.” Love resides in the human soul, because after the body and the mind fail, love remains fully intact. As quoted in today’s verse, it is the perfect part of us that outlives all things partial. Many things in a lifetime are partially satisfying, or temporary, but love endures forever.
We are reminded,
“God is love and whoever lives in love lives in God, and God lives in them.”
(1John 4:16)
When all else fails, we should always pursue love. To pursue love is to pursue God. If we know someone who is difficult to connect with, or is delusional or disoriented to time, place or person, there is one way to connect with them, by showing them love, as I learned from Jon and Vivian.
Lord, help us to put our hope in the power of love, when other methods fail. Remind us that to live in love is to live in you. Amen