“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9 (NIV)
I had a good friend for fifty years, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2022. She was married for fifty three years when she became ill, and they had no children.
As my friend’s cancer progressed, I visited them once a week. At each visit, her husband consistently talked about his psoriatic arthritis and how much he was suffering, while my friend, who was dying of pancreatic cancer, never once complained about her illness.
I talked to her privately and she mentioned that he has always been preoccupied with his own health. I knew that they had been to marriage counseling over the years, but she learned to cope with his tendency toward self centeredness, by not feeding into it. Her terminal diagnosis was naturally hard for both of them and she was eventually placed in hospice, but he never seemed to fully process it, still talking about his psoriatic arthritis.
I visited her each week but also checked on him, since he was living alone in their apartment. I called every week to check on him, to drop off groceries that he requested, and then went on to visit my friend in hospice at a Nursing facility. She was always sweet spirited and grateful for every visit.
As weeks went by, her husband began to ask me to bring him a treat, such as a particular ice cream bar not sold in the area, so I went out of my way to get what he asked for. As he kept requesting treats, I soon felt a growing resentment building up.
I was annoyed that he was so self absorbed while his wife was dying. Visiting her in hospice was a special time, but it was totally exhausting to be around her husband.
I felt like a true hypocrite, going the extra mile for him, who I could barely stand to be around. I finally did what I should have done from the start. I took my feelings of resentment to God in prayer. I told Him how I felt about my friend’s husband, and by verbalizing what God already knew, something supernatural happened within me.
The Holy Spirit reminded me that whatever we do for others, we are doing for Jesus, regardless of the kind of person we are doing it for.
(Matthew 25:40)
I felt renewed and with a new way of thinking, I set out to visit my friend’s husband the next day, prepared to meet his requests with my new attitude of ‘I’m doing this for Jesus.’
I arrived at his home, knocked on the door, but no one answered, so I dug through my purse to find the key they once gave me. I entered the house, called out his name but there was no answer. I looked in the bedroom but he wasn’t there. Then I saw his lifeless body lying on the bathroom floor. It looked like he had died many hours earlier. Paramedics confirmed that he died the day before. It was an awful experience, but a sober reminder to never grow weary in doing good.
I had to break the news to my dying friend, who was shocked to learn that she outlived her husband, but she received the news with peace. Three weeks later she became unresponsive, and after my visit, she passed away peacefully in her sleep.
I was glad I did what I did, while they were living, since we never know how long a person has to live. I learned that even if a person is difficult to be around, we can still do good things in the strength that God gives us, which is for His glory.
Lord, thank you for being patient with us, even when we are slow to be patient with others. Transform us, so that we may always do good for others, as if doing it for You. Amen
