“For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.”
Psalm 62:5-6 (RSV)
I know something about waiting, though I don’t always do it very well in silence. Since I‘ve been finding my way through a maze of Federal agencies, with not so helpful people, I’ve had several phone calls, trying to get the health care my son needs. I encountered many people who don’t understand nor can they refer me to someone who does. The waiting continues and so do the prayers.
I waited over a year before getting approval for Jon’s SS disability. I knew it would take a while, but when the government finally sent the first check for him, I went to the bank to open the account. Thinking it would be a simple process, the bank requested my original letter from SS, which I couldn’t find. I tried giving them every other letter that SS sent, but they could not open a disability account without having that one sole, sacred letter. I was told to go to the SS office and get a copy of it and then come back.
When I arrived at the SS office, I expected the usual two hour wait, like so many times before. A clerk was sitting at the front door entrance that day, screening the purpose for each person’s visit. After asking why I was there, she took my information, went on her laptop and reprinted the letter I needed. I did not have to wait in line at all and was in and out of the SS office in less than 10 minutes. It was a miracle of God’s perfect timing, and that lady was like an angel, who led me out of a maze.
Between Medicaid, ACA Federal marketplace, and Social Security Disability, getting accurate answers was literally like walking through one maze after another. The majority of people I dealt with were not helpful.
I could call Medicaid, speak to three different people at three different times, and get three different answers to the same question. One person told me my son wasn’t even in their system, even though he was for two years.
With every step forward, I seemed to fall two steps back. All I could do is pray for the way out of the current maze.
Jon’s doctor ordered a CT scan of his brain three weeks ago but it wasn’t approved because Medicaid claimed they never received an order, yet the doctor claimed he sent it. The Director of Nursing called me from the Nursing home yesterday, to say he finally received authorization for the CT scan and it will be scheduled. Now I pray that Jon will lie still and get a readable scan. I thank all of you meditation friends who told me you were praying for him.
There is no way to navigate through the confusing mazes of this life, unless God remains our rock and our fortress. However long we wait, our hope must be solidly placed in Him, not in agencies or misguided people.
Reading the Psalms during times of distress, reinforces my faith, gives me peace instead of letting anxiety shake me. As I read the words of the Psalmist, I look up and say,
“For you alone, Lord, my soul waits in silence.”
Even though we trust God, it’s still hard to accept those long waiting periods, before everything finally gets straightened out. That’s why God sends helpful people to us along the way. Each helpful person we meet is like an angel, shining some light in the darkness. They are like a sign from God that He is really with us, sees what we’re going through, and cares for us. Then we can silence our soul, keep waiting and not be shaken.
Lord, you are truly a refuge in a day of distress, and in your goodness, you care for all those who wait for you. Help us to trust, as you send us helpers to lead us out of every maze and into your light. Amen
